July 27th, 2019

Skipped a Week

There hasn't been time to write.

We were supposed to move in this Monday, the 22nd.

We spent the previous week packing, cleaning, preparing. We transferred utilities to the new house. I forwarded my mail. Jameson's mom flew down from Chicago to help us pack and clean. We took furniture apart, threw stuff out, packed everything in boxes.

And waited.
And waited.

And we are still waiting.

The buyer wanted to move in on Monday, the 22nd. Her choice, her insistence. And yet none of her finances were ready. She didn't even do a walk-through until the weekend. And now we are all waiting on the underwriters, whatever that means.

We have been in a hotel for the week. Jameson's dad generously got us a week's stay in a hotel near the house, figuring we'd be moving in at some point this week.


You can imagine the frustration, and stress, and anger that is building for Jameson and I every single day.
I guess things like this are common, but when you think about it, and when you're in the situation we're in, it's incredibly disgusting and disheartening that banks and lenders and realtors and lawyers, all of whom are supposed to be profiting from your purchase of a home, could care less if you end up spending your deposit on hotels and fast food and cancelled utilities because THEY don't have their shit together. I just don't understand it at all.

Anyway, I could rant for days but the bottom line is that we haven't moved in and are not sure if we will be able to. Jameson has cancelled the moving service and lost his deposit on that, and also had to cancel the utilities. I cancelled the washer and dryer I'd bought for us, and also had to redirect my mail again. We may extend the hotel for a day or two so Jameson can do his teaching work, but we're going to have to go back to the apartment for clothes and to do laundry and probably to live out of boxes until SOMETHING happens. It would just be nice to know at this point what the hell we are doing.

I have never seen Jameson so stressed and it hurts my heart because there's nothing I can do. This situation just has to resolve, and I can't make it. And until it does we are both going to be stressed and losing sleep and money. That said, I am grateful to be here with Jameson during an extremely rough week in his life. I want to at least be there to talk to or to decompress with, or anything that I can do even if it's just being in the same room. I want him to know he's not alone, that if nothing else works out at least I'm going to have his back.

Anyway, poor Jameson's mom flew all this way to help us move and now finds herself stuck in the hotel with us, often alone for the entire day because we both have to work. We have been able to do a few things together, like go see Jameson's show at Epcot and eat some really fantastic food at se7enbites and then Sette (same owner, different food). I hope she's had some fun while she's here, but it's still very disappointing that she didn't get to help us like she wanted. She did buy us a whole lot of house stuff though, which will be awesome to have if we ever get into this hoooooouse arrrrgh

se7enbites Benedict: buttermilk garlic biscuit, over medium egg, crispy green tomato, applewood smoked bacon, topped with peppercorn dill hollandaise.

arancini from SETTE - risotto, gorgonzola, fig, pancetta crumble, pesto cream sauce.

A warm brownie sundae from Ghirardelli at Disney Springs. For lunch. Because I'm an adult.

Jameson being an awesome alien in the Awesome Mix Live show at Epcot.

The Epcot ball or whatever.

A big beautiful swallowtail butterfly we saw in the gardens at Epcot.

So that's what's up this week. I am working, Jameson is working, and trying not to lose our minds and just start screaming about everything. I know I've got lovely food pics and we get to stay in a lovely hotel, but you know what, even the things that that we get to enjoy "for free" are costing Jameson's parents, and us as well. If we are going to lose the money anyway we may as well treat Jameson's mom while she's here, and enjoy the hotel that's being gifted to us. You may be thinking how entitled we are that we aren't sleeping on the floor eating McDonald's every night. Well, that's next...only the generosity of family has given us the luxuries we've experienced this week. Also please remember that Jameson's apartment is on OBT (if you don't know what that is check out this playlist) and he has been living there for almost fifteen years, not to mention living in industrial train yards across America during our time with the circus. We know what it's like to be without power and water and climate control. We know what it's like to have no groceries, and to have your entire life grind to a halt because of the incompetence of others. So before you judge just know...that we know. We know we're lucky. We appreciate what we have. Which is why I take pictures and write these posts. Because I know.

I wanted to share something.
Remember a while back, I had mentioned that I was working on a "project" or "super secret thingee" that I didn't want to talk about in case it didn't work out? Well it didn't work out. So let me tell you about it.

I was trying to go back to school to become a vet tech.
Many people have told me that I'm good with animals, and it's only a two year program. Music seems to be grinding to a halt for me, so I wanted to look into other options that might be as fulfilling for me.

While working on the cruise ship, I used every opportunity in port to prepare my application for vet tech school. I sent in the application, and did counselling sessions, and saved my money, and applied for student aid. I missed out on many opportunities to enjoy the ports and leisure time so that I could prepare to go to school when I got back home.

One of the requirements for the vet tech program was spending 40 hours observing in a veterinary office. I was able to arrange for observations with Exotic Animal Hospital of Orlando. Everyone there was wonderful, and I learned a lot and got to see lots of different procedures including bearded dragon surgeries, hedgehog anesthetization, and guinea pig ultrasounds. I also saw animals die due to owner negligence, and personally held the gas mask over the face of a small mouse to put her to sleep.

After this observation period, my application was complete. Almost.
I still needed a veterinary facility to agree to be my mentor, because I was participating in the online program.
I needed somewhere to observe procedures and practice myself.

I applied to 23 different facilities, some of which (like Banfield) were chains with multiple locations.
Not a single one would agree to mentor me.
When I asked the school for help, I was told that "maybe you need more volunteer hours" before anyone would accept me.

My other obstacle was financial aid, because my aid was calculated based on my 2016 income (when I was in the circus making good money).
I had to formally contest my Estimated Family Contribution, which I tried very hard to do, but unfortunately the due date for my 2018 tax summary was April 10th. You know, right around when I would have JUST filed my taxes. So of course no tax summary was available until weeks after that date. By then my financial aid application had expired.

So, it didn't work out this time. When I was younger, my passion for music outweighed pretty much any obstacle. I didn't care that people put me down, or that I had to work four jobs at a time, or that I had to play for free, because I was passionate about what I was doing. But I am not willing to do that again in a new field, and frankly I wasn't expecting to have to. I didn't think I needed to be a veterinary volunteer since the age of 14 to even be considered for a two year program. I didn't think that in a field where more vet techs are desperately needed, I'd have to fight my way in just to get started. I'm tired of having to "prove myself" every two seconds. Doesn't ANYTHING I've done up until this point count for something?

So I dropped it. That was my big secret plan, and it fell through. Just thought you should know in case you've been wondering.
Maybe someday in the future I'll try again. Or maybe I'll find something else that I can pursue without having to kiss ass or pay an arm and a leg or "prove" that I'm "worthy" or whatever. You know, maybe I just want to work hard and do a damn good job. What's wrong with that?

Alright, rant over.