June 8th, 2019

(no subject)

Saturday was...interesting.

For some reason, I was very stressed out all day. I was thinking about some things that are pending for both Jameson and I. Then I had trouble getting to work because all of the I-4 entrance ramps were closed...I had to go all the way downtown before I could start driving to work. Then once at work I was told I might get my speed evaluation, plus it was discovered that I don't have an employee mail folder yet for some unknown reason. On top of that I am still worrying about whether taking a week off to visit my sister will endanger my job here.

Finally, I didn't eat enough for lunch and ended up on a call that went way past my second break time. As the caller rambled on and on I felt my blood sugar dropping and my bladder filling, and my already-high anxiety just excalated to such a pitch that I broke out in a cold sweat and had to put my head down for fear of passing out. I immediately called for a relief captionist and took my break, but had to find an empty cubicle and actually lie down on the floor for a second until the blood went back to my head and stayed there.

From now on I'm packing an extra snack because this was really upsetting and uncomfortable and ridiculous.
The rest of the day was fine, but I don't ever want to be in that situation again. I wish my anxiety weren't so strong. I wish my brain weren't such an a$$hole. This is exactly the kind of stuff that used to happen to me in the circus. Nothing at all happening around me yet my body and brain are just screaming non-stop. Y'all can knock that off ANY time.

Anyway, back at home Jameson and I had leftover spaghetti before he had to rush off to his gig. He is working so hard. Thankfully Sunday will be a day of rest for him. I spent my evening scrolling through job listings just in case something magically presents itself, playing Castlevania, and drinking an apparently much-needed glass of wine. Well.

Sunday was a little better for me at work, I had my speed evaluation and passed and also did generally well throughout the day, although my anxiety was still a bit high. I should probably go back to the gym this week. After work Jameson and I went to get some sushi at a nearby place, it was tasty :)

We spent the rest of the night relaxing. Jameson showed me some pictures of houses on his radar. I totally agreed with is top picks. One of the houses is bright pink on the outside, another has multi-colored walls for some reason! But those things are easily changed. All of the houses in his list were exciting!