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4 Months

I have been here for 4 months :)

Having been here for this long, I've admittedly gotten over the 'puppy love' period haha. There are many, many wonderful things about working here, and I intend to stay for as long as I can. However, there are also little things that build up and cause stress over time. I think it's good to talk about those things...it'll help me to deal with them in the future, and put things in perspective :)

The main problem for me, after 4 months, is that the circus is OVERWHELMING. This job provides TONS of opportunities, more than I had ever hoped to see. If I want to, I can learn to juggle, clown, act, speak another language, dance, play a new instrument, and much much more. Trying to take steps toward these new opportunities has proved disastrous this year, because I want to do it all and can't focus on any of it! For next year, then, I'm going to make a list of what I'd like to accomplish and set some realistic goals so as not to drown in the awesomeness :D It's all about taking little steps in the right direction.

Another factor that I've mentioned before is sleeping on train runs. I realize now that it is not a lack of sleep that stresses me out; it's being jolted out of a sound sleep, heart pounding for fear that the train is crashing or my fish is flying off the counter or somesuch nonsense. A person can only take so much of that! At this time I'm not willing to get rid of my bunk bed, so as a compromise I've created a 'nap nook' of sorts. Because it's smaller than a bed and because it faces forward-backward instead of side-to-side, I've found that the jerking sensations are greatly reduced if I sleep here on train runs.

Another thing that I will try to do to help myself out in the future, is to make time AWAY from the circus. I don't mean by sightseeing, although that does help. I mean getting a hotel room once in a while, or using long train runs to visit family and friends instead of staying on the train. Though I keep in touch with the people I love, and though everyone here is supportive and friendly, I still feel in need of a hug sometimes :) People in the Armed Forces must feel the same way, huh! At least I have the option to use my free time as I wish. Next year, I will make the most of that!

And finally, I just need to RELAX. Perhaps because last year was so stressful, or because I've become so accustomed to stress in my life, I find it hard to relax during down time here and end up feeling anxious about silly stuff. It's like, if I'm not doing something productive or preparing for the next city, I must be doing something wrong. But that's not true! I gotta convince myself that it's OK to have a day of rest. It's OK to do nothing sometimes! What a new sensation haha.

All of that aside, I'm still really enjoying it here. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea of staying for a whole 'nother year. But I'm very excited for the new show!

And I REALLY can't wait for it to COOL OFF!!! Lol!